Similar But Different: Private/Secret

I became interested in the difference between private and secret when doing internal work on my avoidant tendencies. Thinking about the way that it feels internally when I’m keeping something private vs keeping something secret. Looking back I can see that there have been times I thought I was keeping things private but was keeping things secret.

Privacy feels more like setting and keeping boundaries. As an example, I may not offer up information about things my kids may be struggling with because it’s not necessarily my story to tell.

Secrecy feels more like keeping something hidden out of fear. An example of a secret may be something like hiding tattoos from my parents because I don’t want them to be disappointed or angry.

The difference between the two seem to be the motivation for not sharing information about myself or other. Internally when I’m being secretive I feel a level of discomfort or anxiety around being found out. When I am keeping something private the discomfort or fear isn’t there.